My life as a 'single mom'.....

This was the 1st week of Paul's rotation in Punxy. It was tough, but you wouldn't know it by the way my house or yard look, or what time Hailey was dropped off and picked up from school. You couldn't tell by how we kept to our schedule and routines. You couldn't tell by the errands we did or the way the girls were dressed or by their hygiene. You could however tell in our diet (icecream and popcorn was okay for dinner, wasn't it?), and you might be able to tell by the numbers that blink on my scale when I am brave enough to stand upon it. You might have been able to tell Paul was gone by the numerous phone calls and my children incessantly asking about Daddy. Or the picture Hailey drew at school....without her father in it :::serious...so sad:::. And you probably could have figured it out if you talked to me...but to my defense, the cracking in my voice was...ummm...it was ::cough cough::::: my throat...yeah. And if you were to catch us today, you might be able to tell by the way my children have developed complexes (um, I'm not really trying to be funny on this one) that they're Dad will go away again. They don't leave his side, and they cry if he goes into another room. You might be able to tell thats its affected my sweet Emma...who wouldn't allow Paul to move his arm that has been wrapped around her....really. Okay, I think the onions are in the air again...anyway....moving along.....

But now at the end of the week, as I sit here at some unGodly hr in the AM (winding down from work)....I look back and I don't think I did too bad of a job.....however....it was hard, real hard. Picture this: I'm grilling the shishcabobs I spent 2 hrs assembling (due to numerous interruptions from girls), in attempts for at least one healthy meal this week (I don't think my conscience could allow me to feed them chicken nuggets one more time).....I could hear my baby crying from inside my house...that 'I've been crying for awhile and I'm super upset type of cry', my dog whining in the backyard...because she's been out there all day...and myself trying to catch my breath from sobbing..I mean::cough, cough:::::..the onions got to me...........My 2 little girls had their hands and faces pressed up against the back door window..."I love you Mommy"..."I looooove youuuu" ...over and over again.

Motherhood really is the hardest job. I work in the ER and it's cake comparitively. But the rewards are awesome. I think its just a challenge some days. I'm so grateful, and thankful I have my family, my sweet girls, who somehow......know just what to do, and what to say.

We ate a great dinner that night of grilled shishcabobs and couscous. Then baked cookies. Somehow everything just calmed down. Maybe I had a prayer or 2 said in my behalf, I don't know. But what I do know, is that I need to remind myself that even though I don't think I'm going to make it out of this experience still standing.....I will. It may not be as graceful as I 'd like it to be, but it will however be a success.

I'm sure the 1st week is the hardest....1 week down, 5 to go. So if you see us out and about, and if we look a little disheveled, just know I'm flyin' solo for awhile ;-)

PS::: great big gold stars going out to us moms!!!we're freekin' awesome!~